02 February 2006
CAO
Conscious, alert, and officially oriented - I guess that's an adequate description of me right now. Able to rub two brain cells together into a coherent thought...not so much. Four hours round-trip every day is somehow completely exhausting and tomorrow is my first ride-along day and a 10 hour shift. Maybe I'll have something to write about over the weekend so everyone stay safe until then.
30 January 2006
Diversity
Today was orientation/corporate brainwashing day at my new job. The ambulance company is owned by a hospital...a big-R-religious hospital. I admit, I'm a little slow, it didn't occur to me that St. X's hospital was going to involve quite this much religion. So not only was today, rah rah our company rocks propaganda, it was all about the big JC.
The first two speakers were the CLO (chief learning officer) and CEO of the hospital. Both mentioned how important diversity was in the patients and the staff; both mentioned the religious roots and guiding principles of the hospital. Then came the man in the clerical collar, the VP of "the mission". Every company has a mission statement, but here, they mean "Mission", like convert the natives and save their souls kind of Mission. Again, he mentions diversity and how it isn't just race or creed, but religion, culture and such that it is important for us to respect. And then...he busts out the hard stuff.
We were all to "accept" the "Mission" of the hospital. It even has a ceremony. Which started with two bible readings that had to be read by people being oriented. Proceeded to a mini-sermon on all the good we can accomplish with the healing arts and God's love. Then to a call-and-response segment, our line - "We will". By this time, I'm ready to sink under the table and hide until I can make a clean getaway out the door - but hey, this can't get any worse, right? I can make it through...I think I can...I think I can...I think I can.
It got worse. Next up was the "pinning" part of the ceremony. Father Do-gooder actually said that we didn't have to wear our pins if we didn't want to. The other man called each person there by name, and they were to come up and receive their pin from Father Do-gooder. He actually pointed at the person and said "Bob, please come up". I was about fifth around the table. I spent the first four people trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do when it was my turn. When the person next to me was handed his pin and released with "Go forth and heal", I turned about 3 darker shades of red. Here it comes..."Jen, please come up".
I went with the polite, "No thank you, I'm not interested". The man calling the names looked surprised, but Father Do-gooder didn't hear me. He turns around with the pin and says, "Well?" I repeated, "No thank you". The Father looked at me like I had sprouted horns and sacrificed a small animal in the middle of the room. I don't think anyone has done anything to disagree with him in a very long time. Then he caught himself and the other man called the next name. And everyone else in the room got up and took the stupid pin that was being handed out like communion wafers. And then we got to close with a prayer to the Saint that founded the hospital (but not the one it is named after), and "Amen".
Okay, I knew I was going to look like a jerk to be the first one to say no. But. I really thought that maybe somebody else there who was uncomfortable with the whole ceremony might take strength from an example and say no. That maybe by the end of 18 people, I would not be standing alone. Apparently I'm the only one with the strength of my non-convictions. To be fair, there were definitely some people there who were all about the religious stuff, but I don't think you can preach "Diversity" one minute and then expect people to take part in a religious ritual and accept a pin symbolizing "the spirit of Jesus Christ" ten minutes later. I'm all about helping people, but I don't think you have to accept the "ethics and morality" of a specific religious body to do accomplish that.
The first two speakers were the CLO (chief learning officer) and CEO of the hospital. Both mentioned how important diversity was in the patients and the staff; both mentioned the religious roots and guiding principles of the hospital. Then came the man in the clerical collar, the VP of "the mission". Every company has a mission statement, but here, they mean "Mission", like convert the natives and save their souls kind of Mission. Again, he mentions diversity and how it isn't just race or creed, but religion, culture and such that it is important for us to respect. And then...he busts out the hard stuff.
We were all to "accept" the "Mission" of the hospital. It even has a ceremony. Which started with two bible readings that had to be read by people being oriented. Proceeded to a mini-sermon on all the good we can accomplish with the healing arts and God's love. Then to a call-and-response segment, our line - "We will". By this time, I'm ready to sink under the table and hide until I can make a clean getaway out the door - but hey, this can't get any worse, right? I can make it through...I think I can...I think I can...I think I can.
It got worse. Next up was the "pinning" part of the ceremony. Father Do-gooder actually said that we didn't have to wear our pins if we didn't want to. The other man called each person there by name, and they were to come up and receive their pin from Father Do-gooder. He actually pointed at the person and said "Bob, please come up". I was about fifth around the table. I spent the first four people trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do when it was my turn. When the person next to me was handed his pin and released with "Go forth and heal", I turned about 3 darker shades of red. Here it comes..."Jen, please come up".
I went with the polite, "No thank you, I'm not interested". The man calling the names looked surprised, but Father Do-gooder didn't hear me. He turns around with the pin and says, "Well?" I repeated, "No thank you". The Father looked at me like I had sprouted horns and sacrificed a small animal in the middle of the room. I don't think anyone has done anything to disagree with him in a very long time. Then he caught himself and the other man called the next name. And everyone else in the room got up and took the stupid pin that was being handed out like communion wafers. And then we got to close with a prayer to the Saint that founded the hospital (but not the one it is named after), and "Amen".
Okay, I knew I was going to look like a jerk to be the first one to say no. But. I really thought that maybe somebody else there who was uncomfortable with the whole ceremony might take strength from an example and say no. That maybe by the end of 18 people, I would not be standing alone. Apparently I'm the only one with the strength of my non-convictions. To be fair, there were definitely some people there who were all about the religious stuff, but I don't think you can preach "Diversity" one minute and then expect people to take part in a religious ritual and accept a pin symbolizing "the spirit of Jesus Christ" ten minutes later. I'm all about helping people, but I don't think you have to accept the "ethics and morality" of a specific religious body to do accomplish that.
25 January 2006
How not to make friends on the job
EMT convicted after prank
I was going to let this one speak for itself, but I just can't help but throw in the $0.02 that anyone this incredibly stupid should not be responsible for saving lives. And shame on his instructors for not figuring it out before he was certified.
I was going to let this one speak for itself, but I just can't help but throw in the $0.02 that anyone this incredibly stupid should not be responsible for saving lives. And shame on his instructors for not figuring it out before he was certified.
24 January 2006
Helpful trivia
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jen!
1. Ideally, Jen should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees!
2. Jen has three eyelids.
3. Reindeer like to eat Jen.
4. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of Jen!
5. You can tell if Jen has been hard-boiled by spinning her. If she stands up, she is hard-boiled.
6. If you break Jen, you will get seven years of bad luck!
7. An average beaver can cut down Jen every year!
8. Astronauts get taller when they are in Jen.
9. Jen once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest!
10. Jen can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory!
I'm not sure all of that is true, but we all know that computers are always right. And the seven years of bad luck thing would certainly explain my on-going streak since I break myself frequently. Anyway, this should help you decide if you're dealing with the "real" Jen, haha!
1. Ideally, Jen should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees!
2. Jen has three eyelids.
3. Reindeer like to eat Jen.
4. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of Jen!
5. You can tell if Jen has been hard-boiled by spinning her. If she stands up, she is hard-boiled.
6. If you break Jen, you will get seven years of bad luck!
7. An average beaver can cut down Jen every year!
8. Astronauts get taller when they are in Jen.
9. Jen once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest!
10. Jen can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory!
I'm not sure all of that is true, but we all know that computers are always right. And the seven years of bad luck thing would certainly explain my on-going streak since I break myself frequently. Anyway, this should help you decide if you're dealing with the "real" Jen, haha!
23 January 2006
The Joy of Rescue
Yesterday, K managed a code (attempted resuscitation) of an elderly woman who had been found not breathing by her family when they went by her place to check in. Nobody knew how long she had been down, which means that unless she's stiff or has other obvious signs of death, all attempts are made to revive her. When I heard about it, I asked K if he'd saved her (before I heard all the details) and he laughed and said no. When I asked if he was upset, he said that he was pretty sure she'd been dead for some time, so I guess he's okay with lacking the god-like power of reviving the dead.
I even got to help save the world yesterday. While talking to NSP, the pager went off for someone needing the ambulance in the small town of 800 people I live in. Since I'm not a long-time resident, I definitely don't know everyone but this call was just up the street. Dispatch gave directions which included "second left past the fire station" without specifying which direction you would be coming from, and since the squad was coming from one direction and the ambulance from the other I was a little turned around. After a couple of wrong guesses, I finally found the place and it turned out to be someone I know having difficulty breathing and swallowing for no apparent reason. Vital signs and oxygen were all we could do for her and all she really wanted was a ride to the hospital with someone who could save her if she stopped breathing entirely, which the gentlemen on the ambulance gave her.
Today's public service message: Make sure your house number is easily visible from the road - emergency help will arrive much faster if they can find where they're going!
I even got to help save the world yesterday. While talking to NSP, the pager went off for someone needing the ambulance in the small town of 800 people I live in. Since I'm not a long-time resident, I definitely don't know everyone but this call was just up the street. Dispatch gave directions which included "second left past the fire station" without specifying which direction you would be coming from, and since the squad was coming from one direction and the ambulance from the other I was a little turned around. After a couple of wrong guesses, I finally found the place and it turned out to be someone I know having difficulty breathing and swallowing for no apparent reason. Vital signs and oxygen were all we could do for her and all she really wanted was a ride to the hospital with someone who could save her if she stopped breathing entirely, which the gentlemen on the ambulance gave her.
Today's public service message: Make sure your house number is easily visible from the road - emergency help will arrive much faster if they can find where they're going!
20 January 2006
Buh-bye part 2
Yes, it was weird going to a goodbye lunch when I'm not leaving yet. I only got to talk to about half the people because of one of those weird social things where some people don't really like other people, blah blah blah. But yum yum turtle cheesecake! And a beautiful glass vase for a going-away gift.
K even drove down for lunch and everyone congratulated him on the new job and wished him good luck too - and told him how much they'd miss his BBQ. I'll probably still invite most of them to come when we host the 4th annual this summer, but I doubt anyone will make the drive. Anyway, back to the grindstone so maybe a few things can get done this afternoon before H-O-C-K-E-Y!! And maybe a little Zamboni song here or there...
K even drove down for lunch and everyone congratulated him on the new job and wished him good luck too - and told him how much they'd miss his BBQ. I'll probably still invite most of them to come when we host the 4th annual this summer, but I doubt anyone will make the drive. Anyway, back to the grindstone so maybe a few things can get done this afternoon before H-O-C-K-E-Y!! And maybe a little Zamboni song here or there...
Buh-bye
How weird is it to be having a "going away" lunch when I'm only cutting back to half-time? and a week before that even happens? I feel like I shouldn't even show up next week because it will feel anti-climatic for everyone who already said hasta la vista, baby. Oh well, can't argue with free food, I just hope no one does anything embarassing (myself included).
18 January 2006
Mount up, we're going on patrol
This month I decided I wasn't busy enough and that doing ski patrol sounded like fun since it would be another opportunity to "save lives". Just so you know, I don't ski, only snowboard. I'm not especially good, but I can wipe out groups of small children as though they were bowling pins - even if they try to get away. Every time I get near any snow, I come home bruised enough for my doctor's office to ask if I'm "safe at home" (the polite phrasing for "tell us who is beating the crap out of you, woman!"). Oh, and they're not paying me, I volunteer.
So, I use K's connections to get onto a small local hill. 1 lift, currently 3 runs open, maybe more if it ever stops raining. All the other patrollers are older, men, firefighters, skiers, and know what the heck they are doing. I stick out like a sore thumb, but at least I amuse them. I still haven't aided anyone on the hill. I haven't yelled at anyone for doing things they shouldn't because I don't really know the rules. I haven't helped anyone off the lift in an emergency and I don't know how to. I show up, ride for free, and practice pulling the sled down in case someone gets hurt. K even rode for free last night, and as my practice victim he sat in the sled wishing he could yell "Mush" and worrying I was going to kill myself with the sled.
If you see a semi-controlled snowboarder pulling a large sled towards you at a somewhat high rate of speed and a frightened looking vicitm, don't worry, I'm here for your safety.
So, I use K's connections to get onto a small local hill. 1 lift, currently 3 runs open, maybe more if it ever stops raining. All the other patrollers are older, men, firefighters, skiers, and know what the heck they are doing. I stick out like a sore thumb, but at least I amuse them. I still haven't aided anyone on the hill. I haven't yelled at anyone for doing things they shouldn't because I don't really know the rules. I haven't helped anyone off the lift in an emergency and I don't know how to. I show up, ride for free, and practice pulling the sled down in case someone gets hurt. K even rode for free last night, and as my practice victim he sat in the sled wishing he could yell "Mush" and worrying I was going to kill myself with the sled.
If you see a semi-controlled snowboarder pulling a large sled towards you at a somewhat high rate of speed and a frightened looking vicitm, don't worry, I'm here for your safety.