Main event

Ladies and gentlemen, guys and dolls, welcome to tonight's main event. Sponsored by the ambulance co., the police department and a lovely drinking establishment that refuses to say when if there is more beer to be sold.

In this corner, we have The Asian, wearing the blue uniform and hailing from the southern U.S. A record of 5-3-1 and a reputation for being brutally honest.

In the other corner, we have Drunky, wearing the latest in trashy bar fashion and hailing from our great city. A record of 0-0-0 and a reputation for flapping her gums at every passerby.

Let's get ready to r-r-r-r-r-u-u-u-u-u-umble!

The Asian is out of his corner quickly with a sneaky patient steal maneuver, getting the assault victim into the ambulance with no regard for Drunky. He sways a little to avoid her hand on his arm and closes the door. Well folks, this one might be over in the first round as he settles in to treat his patient.

Wait! Wait! Drunky isn't going to take this lying down - she's on her feet and heading for the door. Oooh, that is a triple door slam followed by a shout to the open slider window ("Hey! I'm covered in her blood and need something to clean up with!") and another triple slam for good measure. He can't ignore this auditory onslaught.

Sure enough, here it comes! A quick verbal tap to the forehead followed by the cold shoulder, he should patent this one and charge admission. She's still full of bluster but has to turn back to the crowd to find her courage, this medic isn't going to fold as easily as she thought. Where's the respect and adoration? Where's the gratitude for helping that victim? She stopped that girl's nosebleed all by herself. She's gotten herself back into full rage mode and refuses to be ignored.

Back with the old standby, two triple door slams in quick succession. But hold on to your hats, now the patient jumps up and starts defending the Asian. Nobody agreed to a tag team match, one at a time, save the rest for the pay-per-view rematch! There it is folks, the knockout punch directly to her pride. The killer dismissal ("Whatever, princess.") and this match is over! The Asian has the last word, a happy patient and leaves the scene with no regard for Drunky who is set on slow boil.

Stay tuned folks. See who steps up to take on the medics next week.