14 May 2008

Winner, winner, chicken dinner

At what point does it change from being helpful to have people in your life supporting your desire for change to being discouraging and take on the feeling of fake optimism to hear them want you to succeed?

"Oh, by the way, I was chatting with the head of the admission committee and you could still get in. You just have to be 'special' enough so he picks you off the wait list. Make sure to send something 'special' soon." Crap. Can you get him to define "special" for me? I look good in sequins? I can talk trash with the best of them?

"Maybe you could just send a billion more applications next year, somebody will take you eventually. You're smart or something, right?" Clearly not, I'm still doing this.

"Hey, guess what? I met a totally retarded doctor today and I think you'd be waaay better than that. I'm not sure he or she could tie their own shoelaces." Yeah, I know, I met them too.

"Jeez, I can't believe they won't let you in. What hope do the rest of us have?" None. Hold still while I put you out of my misery.

Thanks people. You know I love you all, and I know you're trying to help, but sometimes you're just adding to that loud voice of self-doubt in the back of my head. I knew this wasn't going to be an easy road, but now it feels like if I succeed it would be less like pulling a rabbit out of a hat and more like standing naked in the street and levitating 20 feet in the air just before I get crushed by a speeding semi. Maybe that is what I should add to my applications?

No comments: