In need of body work

I was called a grandma the other day by one of the young punks on the ambulance. I turned up my hearing aid, shook my cane at him and threatened him with boxing his ears if he came over close enough to the couch. Everyone continued to mock the "old lady" truck, because I was riding with a partner who was 32. Ancient, I know.

While there are physical demands to being on the ambulance, I don't particularly find this job to be that bad for my body yet. I have more lingering issues from previous problems that ache and pain me on any given day. Knee surgery, ankle injury, wrist surgery, that weird pain that runs the length of my left fibula, the list goes on.

My tendency to fall down stairs only adds to my problems though. Three weeks ago, I slipped down the last 4-5 stairs in my house. I was, of course, carrying two bags and a lunch box so I didn't have a hand to grip the railing to try and stop my fall. Thankfully, one of the bags had my linens and pillow for staying overnight at the station so at least I hit my head on that and not the stair. But that didn't save my back or shoulder blade from bouncing down the stairs. It took less than a day for my back to give a loud snap and have my shoulder pain disappear. The lower back pain has been a whole other issue.

The spot I hit was just to the spinal side of my hip bone. Thankfully, not a place with a lot of muscular attachments needed for lifting patients, so I've been able to continue doing my job. But, it is a place that causes a fair amount of pain - when I sit, when I lie, or just when I reach the end of the day. No, I haven't been doing the appropriate ice and ibuprofen because I keep telling myself this is going to go away. That the large lunp is nothing, maybe just a knotted muscle. I've been to have my back adjusted twice, to no improvement. I had a routine physical last week and kept mum about the pain, although I did comment to the doc about having fallen down the stairs. Really, it will go away, I think.

I think what I need is one of those "Overhaulin'" type shows where someone hauls me away for a week, scrubs off the rust, lubes all the joints, fixes all the squeaks, and slaps on a bright, shiny coat of new paint. Anybody know someone?