Today's van-bulance story is courtesy of a 90 year old man who recently had his right leg amputated. P and I were transporting him to a nursing home (the scary one I don't like) for rehab/therapy so he could eventually go home. He was quite able to get around, on and off the stretcher, seemed fairly alert and very friendly. I learned later that he had some mild dementia and was a little disoriented as to when he was, but pretty clear on everything else. When we arrived at the nursing home, we were met by a social services/admissions-type person who rode upstairs in the elevator with us.
No sooner did the elevator doors close than the patient curled his finger in a come-closer gesture and asked "Do you girls have time for a joke?" Being the smile and nod, humor the patient type, I told him "Sure," as we were stuck in the elevator either way. He grinned and began, "So there was this businessman, a hard-working guy, who decides one day that he wants to go home and have a hot lunch with his wife. He calls her on the phone and tells her he's on his way, looking forward to a nice hot meal, and will be there in 10 or 15 minutes. The businessman then hops in his car and drives home. When he gets home, he opens the door only to see his wife sliding down the bannister. He asks her, 'What the hell are you doing?' To which she replies, 'Warming up your lunch.'" Our patient then just about laughs himself silly because P and I were chuckling but the other lady had turned bright red and completely embarassed. He then leans towards me and says, "I like to save that one for the ladies."